A little bit of background:
Last Monday morning I was talking with some friends about TV shows — especially Westerns — that we used to watch when we were kids. "Sky King" was mentioned (and also his niece and nephew, Penny and Clipper) and that got me thinking about the Wonder Bread commercials ("Helps Build Strong Bodies 12 Ways"), specifically the way they showed sandwiches being cut into triangles. That was amazing to me! Our sandwiches got cut into rectangles. I asked Mom to make us triangle sandwiches, like they did on TV, but she said "We don't do any cutting on the diagonal in this house."
Which got me wondering …. what are some things that other people remember being told when they were children? I posted the question on Facebook, sent out an inquiry via e-mail, and annoyed everyone I came into contact with for almost a week. Here are the "voices from childhood" that people shared with me:
The only person you can trust with a secret is your mother.
Too much spice spoils the rice.
All the vitamins and nutrients in your food are stored in the very last bite you take, so eat up.
When in doubt, throw it out.
Don't sit on the "good couch" — that's just for company.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Go to the bathroom at least once, preferably twice, before leaving the house for school or a party or a car ride, etc.
Don't talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes at a time.
Tuck a subway token, a quarter, and a folded dollar bill into your sock, in case of an emergency.
Never accept a cigarette from anyone because a) don't you know you shouldn't be smoking!! and b) it might be a "funny cigarette" (marijuana).
Be more suspicious of your relatives than you are of strangers.
Play any kind of music you want as long as nobody outside of your bedroom can hear it.
Never answer the phone if you're home alone.
Always make friends with a librarian (and/or a policeman).
Don't slurp your soup.
Don't believe anyone who says "Honest to God and hope to die."
Don't whistle, not ever.
If you go to a party or a dance with a boy you have to come home with that same boy.
No Hellmann's mayonnaise — only Miracle Whip.
We don't talk about this (or this or this or that) outside the house.
Don't pass gas in public.
No fans, not even on hot and humid summer nights in Brooklyn, because fans blowing on you while you sleep is unhealthy.
Don't drink anything while you're eating because it's not good for the digestion.
Don't eat ice cream in the street.
Get 8 hours of sleep a night.
Always shower before you go to bed.
Close the curtains when it gets dark, particularly those in the kitchen on the window that faces the neighbors.
Never hit your brother or sister in the stomach or other soft parts.
Don't tell the neighbors about Mom and Dad's fights.
Don't stare.
Don't pick up things from the ground.
Spit on the bait.
Take your shoes off in the house.
Only mommies are allowed to chew on the chicken bones because they know how to do it without choking.
Get in and out of the shower quickly; no dawdling.
Never fight with your sister in public.
Obey the rules of a Kosher home: no pork or shell fish; dairy products and meat are never cooked together nor eaten at the same meal; use separate sets of dishes, silverware, cooking utensils, pots and pans for dairy and meat.
Don't plant lilies or tulips because they "aren't Jewish flowers."
No one has the right to ask anyone else how they voted in an election, because "America is about not having to tell."
Don't leave the table until everyone is finished eating.
Don't wear anything white before Easter or after Labor Day.
Girls should behave with modesty; no sitting with legs crossed or raised up in any way.
Always dinner before dessert.
What goes on in the family, stays in the family.
Nobody, but nobody, sits in Dad's chair at the dinner table.
You must wear white patent leather shoes, and a hat, on Easter, along with a whole new outfit.
A little lip gloss and rouge is appropriate, but never eye shadow, especially not light blue eyeshadow, which is trashy.
No wrestling, not even on the futon.
You can stay up as late as you want as long as you don't wander around the house in the dark.
Don't cross your toes for too long.
Don't chew on someone else's water bottle.
Don't be mean to telemarketers when they call.
Don't do other people's homework for them.
When you eat out in a restaurant keep your pocketbook in your lap, never put it on the floor and certainly not on the table.
Under no circumstances wear horizontal stripes.
For safety, sit in the first subway car where the conductor is.
No roller skates in the house.
No singing at the table.
Be in before sundown, or the mosquitoes will eat you.
Don't touch the spiders, or you'll go to the graveyard.
Don't interrupt adults while they are talking.
Stay out of the pond; there's quicksand.
Don't talk back.
Eat what is in front of you and don't complain.
No crying unless you are visibly, physically hurt, and then only brief crying is acceptable.
Do not ride anything but the school bus to and from school.
Never lie about your age.
Don't go into any strange basements.
Spelling always matters.
It's better to show up early than late.
Look in the mirror and practice your most sincere-looking smile.
Unless you're planning to become a doctor you better improve your handwriting.
No dogs on the kitchen table.
Never let them see you sweat.
The good china must stay in Mother's china cupboard at all times, unless very special people are visiting, not just any guests, but very special guests.
Don't let the dog into any room that has carpet on the floor.
Rise and shine! Get out of bed before eight on Saturday mornings and start cleaning the house; the vacuum cleaner is waiting for you.
If you like the night too much it means you are being influenced by the devil.
Don't climb the tree until you change out of your dress.
Never show someone else your underwear.
Sit down and practice the piano before you go out to play ball.
Never use the word ain't.
Hold your silverware correctly, you're not shoveling food into your mouth.
The word "stupid" is as bad as a curse.
No sugar after five o'clock.
Don't play with Silly Putty on the carpet.
Pull your pants up.
Don't crack up.
There is a Right Way, a Wrong Way, and a Best Way — seek solutions outside conventional thinking, don't automatically follow the expected, usual path.
Whenever possible, carry an extra pair of socks with you.
Change out of your "good clothes" and into your "house clothes" as soon as you come home from school.
Homework first, before anything else.
The whole family must sit down together for Sunday dinner, no matter what you would rather be doing.
Brush your teeth before you eat breakfast so you don't end up swallowing all of the germs that grew in your mouth overnight.
If you don't wash your dirty dishes immediately after use, at least rinse them with warm water before leaving them in the sink.
Always be sure to wear clean underwear to a doctor's appointment.
No horseplay while eating hard candy.
Don't eat your mocos (boogers).
Never show up to a party empty-handed.
You can't say you don't like something until you've tried it at least once.
If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down.
You have to have a fever of at least 103 degrees in order to have a bottle of (closely hoarded because Dad grew up with it and you can't buy it in New York) Vernor's Ginger Ale.
Never cut crusts off bread or throw away the end pieces of a loaf "because people are starving in Biafra."
When you have a birthday party you must invite everyone in your circle of friends.
If you are too sick not to go to school, obviously you are too sick for any fun activity.
If a person asks for a tissue, never bring them one tissue, always bring them three.
Sit up straight at the table.
If someone punches you in the eye . . . punch them right back.
Whatever route you take on a drive you must take a different route back home.
No one but the cook is allowed to criticize a meal.
If someone unsavory asks for your phone number don't say no because that might make them angry, but reverse the last 2 numbers and then walk away as soon as you can.
You are not allowed to miss a birthday party that you've been invited to: "How would you feel if no one came to your birthday party?"
If you are sharing some treasure with another person (say, a piece of chocolate cake), one person divides it, and the other person chooses.
If you can't do it right, don't do it at all.
Hold back on food when guests come for dinner.
No talking politics at the dinner table.
Eat everything on your plate.
NIL (napkin in lap)
EOT (elbows off table)
"Stop running around upstairs! I want bedtime to be PLEASANT!"
Look up from your book when someone is talking to you.
Keep the compost and the trash separate.
Don't run around the house naked unless someone tells you it's okay to do so.
Don't chew on your shoelaces.
Refrain from shooting squirrels in the backyard.
Certain scissors may be used for cutting paper; other scissors are only used for cutting fabric.
Ask before using your mother's pens, paper, twine, gardening implements, saw, ladder, scissors, pruners, or anything else, really.
If you see deer, shout loudly to shoo them away from the garden.
Be polite when your father corrects your grammar.
Don't eat pepper when you're sick.
Take care of the books.
All the trees need to be looked at and admired every day.
If you make a cake for school you need to make another for home.
Don't mush the couch pillows.
Don't sing while your father is talking to you.
Do not, under any circumstances, bathe the cats in rose water.
Don't feed the raccoons who come to the backyard.
Don't pull the cat's tail.
Don't crack your knuckles.
Don't do anything that makes you sweat.
Never sign your real name on a petition or the men from the government will come to take you away.
Walk around barefoot if you want to but don't come whining to me when you step on a nail and have to have your foot cut off.
Take care of yourself because nobody else can do that for you.
When someone is your guest they get to pick what to do.
When you go under water be sure to blow out through your nose.
In general, just don't.
Empty your pockets when you come in from the park so no one has to go pick up the pebbles, pieces of wire, snails and frogs that will fall out later.
Don't mix plaids and stripes.
Wipe that smirk off your face or you'll be laughing out of the other side of your head.
Always be kind.
Do something, even if it's the wrong thing.
Don't shuffle.
Don't smack your lips.
It's as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one.
Only two cookies a day.
Don't swear around your grandparents.
If you made dinner, you don't do the dishes.
If you keep making those silly expressions your face will freeze that way.
Get your hair out of your eyes.
Turn off the lights when you leave a room.
Don't bounce your ball in this house.
Clean your plate before dessert.
Don't wiggle your hips.
Vacuum the floors every six weeks whether they need it or not.
Don't spend any of your allowance on candy.
Close that door, you weren't raised in a barn.
No TV in the daytime.
No chewing gum, ever.
When you call someone on the phone you must say "Hi, this is ___, is ___ there?" even if you know that the person answering on the other end will already know it's you.
Only if the forecasted high is above 50 degrees are you allowed to wear shorts.
Don't drink milk from the carton.
Never lend your friends money, not even fifteen cents for candy at lunch, and don't ever borrow any money, either.
No reading at the table (except the backs of cereal boxes, artfully arranged at breakfast time on the kitchen table between you and your brother, who absolutely do not want to have to look at each other in the morning).
Do not lend anyone the George Carlin album you bought, because even though it's very funny, we don't want anyone else to know that we would have such a thing in our house.
Do not discuss any family problems with anyone else.
You are not allowed to know/ask how much money your father makes.
Never reheat food twice.
No chewing gum, ever.
When you call someone on the phone you must say "Hi, this is ___, is ___ there?" even if you know that the person answering on the other end will already know it's you.
Only if the forecasted high is above 50 degrees are you allowed to wear shorts.
Don't drink milk from the carton.
Never lend your friends money, not even fifteen cents for candy at lunch, and don't ever borrow any money, either.
No reading at the table (except the backs of cereal boxes, artfully arranged at breakfast time on the kitchen table between you and your brother, who absolutely do not want to have to look at each other in the morning).
Do not lend anyone the George Carlin album you bought, because even though it's very funny, we don't want anyone else to know that we would have such a thing in our house.
Do not discuss any family problems with anyone else.
You are not allowed to know/ask how much money your father makes.
Never reheat food twice.
Be useful as well as ornamental.
Get out there on stage, smile, and be really cute.
Eat anything you want for breakfast, except rocks.
Thank you to all these contributors, listed entirely randomly and definitely NOT alphabetically, because it's time to break some rules:
Lynne Taetzsch
Sue Hirschberger
Logan Hagstrom
Phoebe Lakin
Antonia Matthew
Sharon K. Yntema
Karen Koyanagi
Judy Kugelmass
Weiwei Luo
Lisa Todzia
Deirdre Silverman
Diane Sullivan
Sue Norvell
Kris Ebert-Wagner
Janie Carasik
Greta Singer
Courtney Schroeder
Barbara Force
Carol Bossard
Peter Quinn-Jacobs
Barbara Nowogrodzki
Martha Blue Waters
Zee Zahava
Laura Levinson
Aimee Hart
Deanalis Resto
Timothy Weber
June Wolfman
Laura Gates-Lupton
Draya Koschmann
Katy Heine
Randi Prieve
Chris Bankert Wray
Nancy Koschmann
Phoebe Shalloway
Seraphina Buckholtz
Patti Witten
Barbara Mink
Tim Turecek
Virginia Fenton
Bernice Magee
Sylvia Taylor
Pilar Greenwood
Ana Ramanujan
Caroline Gates-Lupton
Karina Burbank
Kengo Onishi
Sophia Hiller
Larry Roberts
Nikki Sayward
Kim Falstick
Richie Holtz
Jai Hari Meyerhoff
Sue Perlgut
Nancy Gabriel
Peggy Adams
Sara Robbins
Summer Killian
Linda Keeler
Sara Robbins
Summer Killian
Linda Keeler
