Some Things That Have Not Changed
I still love dogs and wish I could get another puppy
I still try to pet every dog I see on the street if the owner says it is friendly
I still read 3 books at a time
I still love to cook for people but I wonder if I'm bribing them with food
I still think of my mother every day
I still cry when I hear certain songs: Over the Rainbow, Who Knows Where the Time Goes, Danny Boy . . . .
I still remember what my son smelled like as a young child
I still wish I could time-travel
I still have vivid dreams; I remember them and learn from them
I am still terrified of all rodents
I still need to have lots of colors around me
I still carry loss within, I always have, I always will
I still find people interesting and I want to hear their stories
I still talk to dead people; I ask for their help
I still turn to chocolate chip muffins to ease my pain — I call this the grief diet and see no end in sight
I still am a caregiver
I still love therapy
I still refuse to be a victim
I still appreciate anything good that comes my way
Apple Cake
I love to bake apple cakes. I use a variation of Aunt Minnie's recipe and it always works. Sometimes I leave out the cardamon, sometimes I use dried cranberries, and currants, and walnuts instead of pecans. I always add vanilla and cinnamon, the cake always disappears quickly. I bake it in various pans (buttered or oiled, lined with sesame seeds) — a Bundt pan, a sheet pan, a Pyrex pie plate, a tiny heart-shaped pan I got at a yard sale years ago, muffin tins. This recipe is very flexible and I think of Aunt Minnie and say "Thank you" whenever I make it. Maybe I'll bake one today.
