I'm going to be the type of woman who:
Has thin arms and legs but a very round middle
Sits naked on a couch staring into the fire
Dresses in sequins, beads, scarves and head dresses
Shows my stockinged knees with a salacious grin while giving an "ok" sign
Stares hard into the camera with an intense look on my face
Refuses to be happy when I feel sad regardless of the artist's plea
Sings opera at the top of my lungs while propping up a coffin
Stops to smell the roses in a Siena garden
Has my photo taken in a long dress with a rifle in one hand and a fishing basket at my feet
Looks ridiculous on purpose because I feel like it
Holds my hands tragically aloft, pulls my mouth into a frown and furrows my brow
Stands in front of elephants who regard my hat with distain
Wears feathered hats with wide brims that make me look
distinguished
Does tai chi in the snow
Plays cards with questionable men
Has pals that carry umbrellas and rucksacks
Peeks into windows of deserted houses
Sneezes with gusto then curses loudly
Dresses like a cat on Halloween
Climbs trees to see better the view
Does a high kick in a dress just because I can
Accosts my neighbors to offer unsolicited advice
Lounges deeply in Victorian rooms
Laughs loudly during sad movies
Refuses to color coordinate
Chooses inappropriately and inconsistently
Wears brooches in weird places on t-shirts
Paints my toenails in bed while drinking coffee and reading a magazine
Drinks gin and tonic with kumquats and whole cloves
Talks and laughs too loudly, unapologetically
Draws inspiration from bathrooms
Lays in the bathtub and pats my dog
Smokes cigarettes and drinks from teacups
Dyes my hair a horrible shade of red
Gives money to strangers but not to my family
Breaks hearts and doesn't care
Lies when I should tell the truth and tells the truth when I should lie
Makes friends with dangerous people
Refuses to do the right thing, while insisting that others do
Confuses the subject and muddies the waters
Thinks too much
Likes Patti Smith
Wears cats on my head
Explains without apology
Swims like a mermaid
Kisses like the French while in France
Shares too much
Makes do with my lot
Prays to all false gods
Snoops in ex-lovers' drawers
Refuses to own a toaster
Looks for signs of portent and omen
Enjoys hot flashes in cold weather
Has an alternate reality
Note: Inspiration for this list came from many sources — the author's imagination; a variety of visual images (mostly photographs); her sister-writers in the Saturday morning writing Circle.
